This Is What Loneliness Feels Like

An explorative quest to unmask loneliness— and find deeper connections in the process.

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In the lonely wintertime, I often sit at my desk to observe the houses across from me. Not to spy, be nosy, or play Big Brother. I simply want to see signs of light, signs of life.

When dusk sets in, the spectacle begins.

Lights are switched on, and TVs start flickering. I start feeling a glimmer of connection. As more and more lights elucidate, it can seem as if the apartment lights merge into one beaming glow—like thousands of pixels resolving into a sharp image. I catch glimpses of people walking through their rooms, someone swinging a pan, someone setting the table. The scene feels so wholesome. A huge dinner party is about to happen, and they’re just waiting for the last guests to trickle in. I want to join. I’m ready.

But then, unexpectedly, the feeling is gone.

I realize it wasn’t real. A naïve fantasy. I snap back to my desk, staring at artificial light rays. Artificial entertainment. Artificial connections. It’s agonizing. The end of loneliness is almost there, right in front of my eyes. I can grasp it, but also… I can’t. There’s a barrier between me and others.

The setting often reminds me of a giant glass skyscraper: from the outside, it seems like a glowing, connected lighthouse. But on the inside, it’s just thousands of isolated capsules and bleak cubicles.

It’s tricky to articulate what loneliness feels like. But in those cold months, it’s often the moment when I realize I’m stuck in a cubicle — secluded from the rest of the floor, the building, the city.

Loneliness Can Feel Like Many Things

Loneliness is an extremely subjective sensation. Although external circumstances — like genes, housing, and culture— can affect your chances of becoming lonely, the ultimate question is whether or not you feel lonely.

If you feel lonely, you are, in fact, lonely.

This also means that all of us will experience loneliness in different ways. Not just because of our individual personal histories but also our circumstances, personalities, and ways of…