Beyond Isolation: 12 Types of Loneliness That May Surprise You

Or: Why loneliness goes deeper than not having friends

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Loneliness is not the same as being alone. You can feel lonely in a crowd, in marriage, and, of course, in isolation. Being alone is objective and neutral, whereas loneliness is personal, painful, and multi-faceted.

And yet, our conversation around loneliness is marked by one-dimensionality and a lack of vocabulary. We sum up loneliness with one word when, in reality, there are many types of loneliness. This makes talking about loneliness blurry and confusing, like observing a painting from a large distance. What we need to do is get closer and examine the shades, the textures, the layers. It’s only then that we can discuss our perspectives — and perhaps find common ground.

With that in mind, here are 12 lesser-known types of loneliness we might experience throughout our lives. Understanding them can make it much easier to address and deal with our feelings of loneliness.

1. Hikikomori Loneliness

In the 1990s, more and more Japanese adolescents started retreating from their families and society as a whole. Not only that, a reentry from their withdrawal seemed impossible. These people have become known as hikikomori (derived from the verbs hiki “to withdraw” and komori “to be inside”).

Hikikomori — typically young males — self-isolate in their rooms for at least six months, avoiding any social contact and neglecting basic needs. Common causes include: unrealistic expectations from society, work stress, dysfunctional family dynamics, and internet addiction.

The phenomenon of hikikomori demonstrates how strongly loneliness relates to cultural concepts, such as expectations, values, and traditions — and what happens when we struggle to break free from them.

2. Soulmate Loneliness

To understand this type of loneliness, we must turn to the ancient Greeks, who first introduced the idea of soulmates.

In Plato’s Symposium, we find the story that humans used to roam the Earth in convenient pairs of two. They had two heads, four arms, and four legs. But one day, the mighty Zeus…