This Formula Explains Why You Feel Lonely (and What to Do About It)

Loneliness equals desired connections minus perceived connections.

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Loneliness is a complex, confusing, and diverse sensation. Chances are, we’ll never be able to express it fully.

But we can try.

In fact, we should try because most people still have misconceptions about loneliness. We’ve all experienced this painful feeling but often struggle to put it into words. What’s worse, loneliness has become stigmatized in today’s society. To feel lonely means to feel ashamed.

And yet, there’s hope.

After countless hours of research, numerous experiences, and deep conversations about loneliness, I’m confident that loneliness is easy to understand. (Which will help us overcome it!) Once you slash through the jungle of scientific jargon and emotionally-charged biases, loneliness boils down to very basic elements.

The “loneliness formula” proves that. Here it is:

Loneliness = desired connections − perceived connections

Now, before we get into the nuts and bolts: I’m not claiming this is the ultimate encapsulation of loneliness. Rather it’s an attempt to understand — and communicate — why we feel lonely, to what extent we…